Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
