Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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