Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
