yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
