is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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