Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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