just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
