Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
