Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
