New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
