Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
True strength comes from lack of pants
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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