I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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