I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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