You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
