he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
