I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
