guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
