I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
