my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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