Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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