Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Less talking, more tequila
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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