I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Is her dick bigger than yours?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
