so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
