this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
