I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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