how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
