We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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