break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
