I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
