Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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