my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
3pm strippers are depressing
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I need water and some morals
Randomize
