Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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