yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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