I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Randomize
