he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
