So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
