I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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