He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Im part way to drunk.
Randomize
