We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
