Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
