He is an equal opportunity slut.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
