Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
