Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
