We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
