ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Randomize
