reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
