Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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