You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
You did what with his pubic hair?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
