You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
