he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just pee around me
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
