Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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