they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
