I am in a vortex of obligation.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
