don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
