so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
