Three words: puerto rican gang bang
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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