jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize