I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
