They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He felt like a one man threesome
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
