New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
