do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize