dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
