Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Randomize
