Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
