its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
