So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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