Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
