Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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