Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
