Screwed.edu
please come you make the beer taste better
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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